Steps
- Expect things to go slow and don't start out with any heavy topics.
- Unless your parents were physically or sexually abusive or they have made it clear they do not want you in their life, you should really want a relationship with them and not be looking to solve a problem or fix an emotional issue you have because of their absence.
- Seek counseling prior to any attempts of reconciliation if you are estranged due to abuse or any other reason that caused you physical or psychological damage. Particularly if you still suffer from any symptoms associated with the abuse.
- If you do not know where your parents are, locate them. This may be as simple as a look through the phonebook or as complex as hiring a private investigator.
- Set up a casual meeting or send some mail. A short letter that is not too direct or a card mentioning a meeting or get-together. Depending on the level of estrangement its best not to show up at their home with little or no notice.
- Allow for everyone's feelings and don't try to force yourself on them. You may want a relationship at a time when they are not ready.
- Don't bring up past issues at first. Start building a new and fresh way of interacting.
- Only consider discussing past issues in counseling with your parents.
- If you were the one who abused your parents and caused the estrangement, take responsibility for that. Do not place blame on them for your actions.
Tips
- Make them aware of your willingness to have them around
- Call and send cards without being pushy
- Invite them to your home or out for dinner
- Do not use the renewed relationship to get revenge or address previous complaints or problems.
- Be willing to let grudges go and 'be the better person'.
- Be willing to respect their wishes if they ask you to leave them alone.
- Allow them to see any grandchildren that are a part of the estrangement, too. This will show good will on your part. The first meeting with the grandchildren could be supervised by you, if necessary.
Warnings
- You may be rejected.
- They may be abusive.
- You may end up in a toxic relationship.
- You may end up wishing you'd never contacted them.
- Buried emotions and problems you thought you had dealt with may resurface.
- You may feel compelled to vent what you perceive was abuse coming from them. DON'T!
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