How to Deal With Your Child's Separation Anxiety Walnut Creek CA

Steps

1. Try to look at it from your child's point of view. At their age, around 3 to 4 years, they are still very self-aware - and you, the parent, are seen as their source of everything - food, warmth, love, affection, authority, reassurance, safety; they see you going as you going for good! Therefore it is imperative that you realise that this is genuinely stressful for them, even though to you, there should be no issue.
2. Let Them Know What Will Happen. Explain in direct language what will happen. Do this several times, if possible, and be sure to do it just before heading out or the arrival of the sitter.
   • Emphasize the fun things he or she will do.
   • Use positive language. Don't say, "I will never leave you forever." Say, "I will be back soon."
3. Interact with the Caregiver a While Before Separation. It's important that your child sees you're OK with the person he or she is with. A few calm minutes getting your child interested in a toy, game, or activity can really help separation. Don't, however, drag this out.
4. Be Supportive and Calm. You must be supportive through this time and reiterate to them that you are always there for them. Be loving and calm and you shouldn't go far wrong.
5. Don't Feed Into the Drama. You may do everything right, but it's still hard for your angel to say good-bye. Be calm, firm, and loving. Do not prolong separation, even though your child may very well seem inconsolable, throw a temper tantrum, and beg plainatively to come with you. You may have to have the caregiver restrain your child (gently and lovingly of course).
   • It's natural to be concerned that your child is miserable. Call in 10-20 minutes to check in if you need to. Chances are, your child has come about and doing fine.
6. If you are away for a longer period of time, keep in contact with them - call them while you are away and reassure them that you will be back soon. Vary the topics - how their day was, what they did, funny anecdotes - this all helps to keep their mind away from the separation anxiety.
7. Leave them lots of activities to do during the day. Set up some paints, colouring books, a kids' DVD/TV programme, something fun to keep them occupied. Again, this will help distract them from the fact that you're not there.
8. When you get back, greet them with all the love and hugs and kisses you can muster! Praise them for being so good while you were away, and then spend some quality time with them. All these, with repetition, will help them understand that you are always there for them and will always return to them.

Tips

• Remember this behavior is completely normal. It's also completely normal if there is no separation anxiety.
• Try not to get exasperated. It helps if you have a plan and stick to it.
• Sometimes "comfort objects" help: a blankie, stuffed animal, doll, even a piece of your clothes that smell like you.
• With three and four year olds, you can pretend to "drop off" at home to help your child through this issue.

Warnings

• Don't bribe your child with sweets or treats - it won't actually help the anxiety and can lead to eating issues.
• In rare instances, anxiety at dropping off on an ongoing basis or sudden inception of this behavior can be a sign of abuse or other problems. While more often than not, it is not, trust your gut if something seems wrong.
• If the anxiety persists, you should consider seeing your child's GP or physician.
• This takes patience - don't fall through and then pick it up again, as this will only confuse your child and make the problem worse.
• If your child shows any worrying behaviour, see their doctor immediately.

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